Fear and Loathing in the Wonderland Matrix

What follows is the first Improvised Celebrity Poem I’ve written in YEARS. To wit: I don’t know what I’m going to write about, I merely go with the flow, and the only edits I make are to spelling. Quality not assured, but surreality IS \o/

Stephen Fry, like a knight of old,
Rode a dinosaur, brave and bold,
Through the forests and over the seas,
He fought against evils and tyrannies,
Until one day his greatest foe,
One Kevin Keegan, don’t you know?
Appeared before him on a fiery steed,
Empowered by the strength of Brucie’s weed,
And cut down the dino with one slash,
Of his mighty sword, Haberdash,
Leaving poor Stephen with nowhere to run,
No friends to count on, not even a nun,
For Keegan had slaughtered the Catholic Church,
And left our poor Stephen out in the lurch,
It didn’t look good as he faced his death,
Keegan standing high, sword above head,
But then came a miracle from on high,
A mighty revelation down from the sky,
Bill Bailey, of course, riding a cow,
A mechanical bovine, though I don’t know how,
He came across such a technological feat,
When he’d spent seven months at an all-you-can-eat,
In the back streets of Soho, with one Captain Jack,
Who was desperate to get our Bill in the sack,
Yet clearly he’d escaped that meat-grinding fate,
As here he was now, not a moment too late,
To revive our downed hero will some tasty white milk,
And wrap up that bastard Keegan in silk,
That he’s stolen from some kind of giant god spider,
An eight-eyed freak he’d drugged with some cider,
That he’d brought from the off license to consume on the way,
To his meeting in Soho with that lord of gay,
Who appeared now at the end of this tale,
To take Stephen home for some male-on-male,
As for Bill„ he’s still riding that cow!
Look to the skies, and you might see him now!

So I hear Disney are going to re-release The Little Mermaid at the cinema (in 3D). This pleases me, despite it being two years away. I may have watched Aladdin enough as a teenager to memorise the script, but tLM is my favourite Disney film (and generally one of my favourites, full stop). I’m not sure what this says about my masculinity…

That Phantasia starts with a rebellious princess from an aquatic kingdom (well, queendom), who has a fondness for the human world and is tricked by a octopian defector IS CLEARLY COINCIDENTAL >_>